1) Clichy will leave the club.
2) We'll sign a player for more than £20M.
3) Fabregas will stay.

4) Dula will post next if he's gay.

1) We'll lose a key player and not replace him
2) We'll keep too many of the deadwood
3) We'll all be very underwhelmed

We'll sign Kaka and Eto'o, just for laughs. Both of them will spend the whole season injured.

1. Cesc will stay

2. We'll make one big money signing

3. Denilson will stay

4. Liverpool will be busiest club in transfer market

We'll sign Hazard for a record transfer fee and after a good start he'll get a lot of stick because he's not performing at the world-class level people who've never watched him play expected him to.

We'll sell Arshavin, Rosicky and Almunia. At least one of Diaby and Denilson will stay and go on to have a good season. Coquelin will impress a lot of people in preseason causing some to draw parallels to Vieira.

I think Bendtner will walk too, which means that our remaining transfer budget will be spent on a striker with a bit different skillset to what we already have. Someone in the Eduardo mould perhaps.

1. Satisifed with Jack's rapid development, we'll sell Fabregas to Barcelona.
2. We will go after Hazard, but eventually sign Giovinco after failing to meet Lille's asking price
3. We will use the Cesc money to part-finance extensions for Almunia and Denilson
4. Our other new players will come in the form of Lansbury, Vela and Bartley

1. Fabregas signs for Barca, after declaring in bizarre Ronaldo-esque fashion that he's being treated like a slave.

2. Denilson signs a new 4 year extension.

3. Sczesney, Fabianski both suffer injuries keeping them out of pre-season. Wenger gives Lehmann a rolling contract. Almunia's contract is mutually terminated as he doesn't want to be around Mad Jens, and Wenger decides to give Lehmann a year deal.

4. Dools buys the new Arsenal home shirt, and gets a Bart Simpson transfer ironed on to the front of it.

1) We will beat City in the Community Shield
2) Cesc, still harbouring massive guilt over that backheel, stays
3) We sell Bendtner to Bolton

4) Charlie Sheen becomes a judge on America's got Talent

at the predictions. Wheres our Mr optimism

1) Cesc will stay
2) We will sign Hazard
3) Almunia and Denilson will leave
4) Lansbury Vela Bartley will be our new additions to the first team squad, Miquel will be out on loan.

1) We'll sign Kevin Gameiro. Klaus will get very excited, and then spend the rest of the season explaining what a brilliant idea it was. Gameiro will score three goals against newly promoted Swansea City in the Carling Cup 4th round. Klaus will be very happy with this.
2) Laurent Koscielny will get injured in the Emirates Cup. He'll come back in October and tell everyone he's gained 8lb of muscle. In December the Sun will reveal that 7.5lbs of that was due to the world's first human / sperm whale penis graft.
3) Andrei Arshavin will turn up for pre-season training 3 inches shorter than he was the season before.
4) We'll sell one of Cesc or Nasri. Arsenal will spend all summer trying to sign Javier Pastore as a replacement, but the deal will fall through after we refuse to pay his agent's bus fare home. In January, we'll re-sign Mikael Silvestre as an attacking midfielder to save our season.

asajoseph wrote:

1) We'll sign Kevin Gameiro. Klaus will get very excited, and then spend the rest of the season explaining what a brilliant idea it was. Gameiro will score three goals against newly promoted Swansea City in the Carling Cup 4th round. Klaus will be very happy with this.
2) Laurent Koscielny will get injured in the Emirates Cup. He'll come back in October and tell everyone he's gained 8lb of muscle. In December the Sun will reveal that 7.5lbs of that was due to the world's first human / sperm whale penis graft.
3) Andrei Arshavin will turn up for pre-season training 3 inches shorter than he was the season before.
4) We'll sell one of Cesc or Nasri. Arsenal will spend all summer trying to sign Javier Pastore as a replacement, but the deal will fall through after we refuse to pay his agent's bus fare home. In January, we'll re-sign Mikael Silvestre as an attacking midfielder to save our season.

you know at this stage that wouldn't really surprise me.

1. Wenger will take a job as a commentator for the womens doubles at Wimbledon while rival managers are busy signing players.
2. On July 1st Chelsea will sign Hazardfor £21m after our offer of 3 bottles of Merlot and a Phil Collins Greatest Hits City is rejected. Klaus will point out theres still plenty of time left in the window.
3. We'll begin preseason by hammering Barnet 7-0 including a hattrick from a newly aquired 13 year old Ghanian Bieber fan. Ricky will declare this kid the new Pele.
4. Wenger will tell us he is satisfied we managed to finish in the top 4 in the Emirates cup.
5. After long term injuries to Djourou and Koscielny as well as the continuation of Vermaelens injury we'll start the season with Squillaci and Bartley at centre half. Aware of this situation Wenger will sign Spahic to solve our defensive crisis.
6. Ferguson will convince VDS to continue and he will do his patentented hair dryer at the FA until they accept the squad registration of Ryan Giggs brain in a robot body.
7. We'll start the season strongly bar one or two odd results that we will dismiss as one of those days.
8. There will be many more of those days.

1. Fabregas will stay
2. Rosicky and Almunia will piss off
3. We will sign another striker/wide player

Non-humourous attempt.

Stars: Neither Cesc nor Nasri will leave. Cesc because Barcelona no longer want him that desperately and therefore make a contemptuous approach, and Nasri because he signs a new contract.

Nasri's contract negotations will be somewhat protracted and frustrating, sowing the first seeds of a desire to move on.

Midfield: Denilson will be sold for the disappointing figure of 4m to a mid-table Spanish club. Rosicky and Diaby will stay. Lansbury will be promoted, become an instant fan favourite, then persistently underwhelm. Frimpong will be promoted by default, as if in reward for having spent a season out injured. Diaby will continue to be incorrectly used as cover for Song.

Defence: At the back, there will be no changes apart from Clichy's departure. A middling quality 28 year old left back will be signed to replace him and "compete" with Gibbs, but Wenger's real plan will be to make Gibbs first choice. Vermaelen will recover from his injury but suffer from niggling recurrences throughout 11-12.

Goalies: In goal, Almunia will leave. Wenger will recall Mannone, and somewhere along the line bring in a completely unknown 17 year old. Fabianski and Szczesny will both return and we'll never have to worry about Al again, but at some point Fabianski will deputise for Ches and cost us the match.

Forwards: Up front, Arshavin will make some controversial statement after we end the season empty-handed, seem as if he might leave, then stay because he's not really wanted anywhere better. He will look exhausted after the first fifteen minutes of the first filmed preseason match. Walcott will say something naive about how he's grown up, Chamakh will say something dutiful but unconvincing about responsibilities and improvement, and Van Persie will swear allegiance to Arsenal, leading us to toast his loyalty.

Bendtner will leave to a Champions League outsider with a parting shot about his unrecognised greatness. He will be replaced by the promotion from within of JET, who will blitz preseason but then look strangely lumbering and ineffectual in the Premier League, before going on a run of injuries and poor form which sees him permanently benched, occasionally fruitlessly used as an impact sub. Vela will remain a pointless peripheral figure for at least one more season - he won't even be fucked to leave.

Signings: Only one significant signing will be made. The player in question will be a technical small striker/winger/wide forward/whatever between 19 and 25, and sign for 15-20m. He will have incredible highlights reels but will be physically diminutive and will either have a suspect temperament, non-PL DNA, or be injury prone. He will win us several matches, frustrate the hell out of us and provide the topic for most arguments between August and December 2011. He will not be Eden Hazard.

That's bleak BW

Anyone predicting a takeover by Usmanov?

Burnwinter wrote:

Bendtner will leave to a Champions League outsider with a parting shot about his unrecognised greatness.

You know what I reckon if Bendtner goes his parting statement will be about how much he has to thank Wenger and club for.

Bendtner's not a whiner, nor do I dislike him, but he will definitely say something about how he believes he can go on to be one of the world's top players and that's why he is moving to Club X where they will put the faith in him which Arsenal did not.

Edit: if he leaves that is.