Y Va, these are very good points. I wish there were more women on the forum because it's helpful to get that perspective. I'm going to try to add some points to what you are saying. 3 things that immediately come to mind are A) why the media are underplaying this story, B) why she might be terrified when on the surface it might not seem like there should be reason for fear, and C) the role of non-verbals and how men may choose to interpret them.
A. I think it is important to view the current incarnation of #metoo as a media-led phenomenon. Coombs protested that a lot of good work has been done by this and similar movements. I think the media-led #metoo is more likely to be led by sensational stories - so something with Weinstein's Mosad agents threatening victims, doctors abusing dozens of gymnasts, or Lauer pushing buttons to trap and terrify women. In these stories, it is easy to process why the women are terrified, here it is not.
B. So why is she terrified? I assume she is if she did not leave. Perhaps it comes down to realities or perceptions of power - as per Y Va's point 1. I think Y Va's point 1 is important in so far as even though he is not her boss, gymanstics coach, etc., he still occupies power as a man in society. Think about a woman listening to the news the last 3 months (and her whole life before) and hearing about men reacting unpleasantly to unrequited advances. Perhaps (and this is conjecture) in the moment she is frightened. The reality is that gender-based violence is real, with WHO estimates at around one third of women having experienced sexual intimate partner violence.
C. She mentions that she makes several motions to him to indicate that she is not interested. Articles shared yesterday indicated that Ansari is guilty only of not being a mind reader. I am actually wondering if this is the issue that makes most men uncomfortable. Humans have developed an advanced non-verbal communication system over millions of years. We can read eyes, smiles, how the head is turned to read sexual interest or lack thereof. It appears she is saying that she gave him such signals that she was not interested, and he either did not receive them, or received them and ignored them.
On C, I think the story tends to linger on Grace and why she didn't leave etc, which are all legitimate questions, but this is the opportunity to engage men more and ask if we are always fully aware of all the non-verbals. A few women I talked to have said that they have been in the exact same situation, and have continued out of naivete, fear, etc. But they all say that they believe the men knew that the women were not enjoying the situation. And I asked is this assault? And they each said no, but they each felt that the men had abused power or overstepped, or some version of that.
