SANTO ANTÓNIO, 1992. CROSSROADS JUST OUTSIDE OF TOWN.
DEVIL: Hello, young man. And where might you be going at this time of night?
CRISTIANO RONALDO: Oh Senhor! I'm going to the fields to pick feverfew for my mother, who has a terrible migraine.
DEVIL: Do you like football, boy?
CRISTIANO RONALDO: Senhor, I love the football. I am loving the football. O futebol! I love the football with my life.
DEVIL: Child, I have a deal for you. I will make you one of the greatest footballers in your era. You will score hundreds of goals for one of the world's greatest football clubs.
CRISTIANO RONALDO: That sounds great. But what's the catch?
DEVIL: In return, you must allow me to afflict you with far worse psychological hangups than Michael Jackson.
CRISTIANO RONALDO: [spits in palm] It's a deal! Say, who are you anyway?