Lol! The interviewer was doing a massive sell job with the way he framed some of his questions.
I: What made you choose Arsenal in particular? How important was Arsène Wenger in your decision?
We always joked about Arsene in the Real dressing room about how he's never won a trophy since most of us started playing professionally. Bless 'im. Wonder how he gets away with that shit.
How important in your decision was the ambition of the Club and the plans they are making?
Yeah that... Erm, well I'm here to have fun
Did you talk to Per Mertesacker and Lukas Podolski about the Club before you made your decision?
Nope, but my dad said Arsenal was offering a shit load of money.
And what about the style of play at Arsenal. How much did that attract you?
Yeah they try, I actually like their style. But yeah, they need help.
Do you feel this squad can deliver trophies this season?
Özil's cellphone beeps, text message received
Daddy Özil: "have they asked you if you feel Giroud, Bendtner and Sanogo can lead them to trophies yet?"
Özil types back furiously, eyeballs bulging: "yeah, I'm really confused Dad. What do I say?"
Daddy Özil: "Remember the picture I sent you this morning. Show him. Now."
Özil: "Okay, Dad"
Hands phone to Interviewer:
You've created more chances from open play than anyone else in Europe in the last five years. From a personal point of view, do you value assists as much as goals?
I'm Da shit innit?
The Premier League has a different style to La Liga. How do you think you will adapt and how will it add new qualities to your game?
It's clearly stated in my contract. I am not playing against Stoke.
Going back to your roots as boy playing football, it always said that Affenkafig [cage football] had big influence on your technique. Can you tell us why?
Voice shakes, lower lip trembles, eyes suddenly take on fearful, haunted look please don't make me go back there, please...
When you were a kid playing football for fun, which famous player did you pretend to be and why?
Luis Suarez.
What?
You first came to the attention of the English public in 2009 at the UEFA Under-21 Championship, when you inspired Germany to a 4-0 win over England. Theo Walcott and Kieran Gibbs were playing in that game too. What do you remember of it?
Hahhhaaaa, Lulllz. Good tournament for me. England was shit. Theo was shit. Gibbs was shit.
As a person, how much do you think you will enjoy moving to a city like London?
Brother Chamakh said I'd be good so long as I don't allow video recordings.
Do you have a message for the Arsenal fans?
I'm here bitches. Love me.
