Assumptions go a long way.
One of the most humbling things was realizing just how sexist I was over the last year. Itâs still incredibly difficult to internalize, but itâs something that I have to actively work on. In the face of all the news, Iâve tried to listen to all my female friends, colleagues and other women a lot more and understand what I and other men do that makes them feel less heard, marginalized, etc. It could be things like not giving colleagues risk as often, speaking over women or allowing other men to speak over women, creating invisible work, etc.
There are just so many small, ongoing things all the time that I need to fix, but Iâm also not going to be a victim, hero or overly intellectual about it. Just need to work on it. We tried to have a conversation with some guys about this on the weekend, and the whole time so much of it was about how these things donât exist or various rationalizations.
We do the same with race. Like Capi, as someone on the receiving end of lots of petty racism, I just get exhausted. People holding clutching bags tighter on public transport, looking to your junior colleagues at the start of projects, following you in stores, going on hunger strike because you are dating family members, etc. And itâs so annoying when we get here, and so much of the discussion is about âmaybe they are not racistâ, âthey meant something elseâ, etc., because making all these excuses put us so much further from recognizing there is a problem and working together on it.
