Arsenal one-liners

Burnwinter

Okay, new thread format.

Bit like a Season Predictions thread but you're giving your opinion on Arsenal topics in one sentence or less—words, letters, emoji, expletives, sentence fragments and phrases accepted. Periodic Proustian run-on sentences are viewed dimly but accepted if delivered with panache.

The rules:

Your responses must adhere to the constraints specified above
You've got to do all the topics
You can't remove or change any of the topics
You can add to the topics
Don't suck or be gutless (more than me)

Starting topics:

Does Arsenal spend money wisely?
William Saliba's contract:
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger:
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season:
Ben White's fee:
Granit Xhaka:
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23:
One player to sign, no context:
"""Control""" ball:
Tomiyasu: jock or crock?
Spurs are scary:
Our Values™ as a club:

Burnwinter

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? Who cares, we're owned by Wal-Mart
William Saliba's contract: Bill will never sign a new Arsenal contract, because his agent's a dickhead
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: :boris:
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: The Prize™
Ben White's fee: Will look like good value in twelve months
Granit Xhaka: Form is temporary, blowing up like a douche and costing us all three points is permanent
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +25
One player to sign, no context: Gilberto Silva
"""Control""" ball: Is working despite its critics
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Tomi's Arsenal career will be ruined by injury
Spurs are scary: No, and we are about to put them and Conte's blow-wave back in our shadow
Our Values™ as a club: Have been exhausted

Segway

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? With a focus on young talent the club has undoubtedly improved its strategy.
William Saliba's contract: Make him a starter and hope for the best.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Did the Invincibles need "unity-projects"?
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Should have been sacked a long time ago but even the Kroenkes must see that he needs to go if he doesn't deliver Top 4.
Ben White's fee: Ludicrous at the time but will prove to be below average value in the future.
Granit Xhaka: Necessary evil.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +25 sounds right.
One player to sign, no context: Prime Cesc to spearhead this young team would really be something with his artistry, class and passion.
"""Control""" ball: Fucking hate it but having such good young talent raises the excitement.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Top jock.
Spurs are scary: Not scary but they've got a proper manager and that gives them an edge.
Our Values™ as a club: Just confused.

Gazza M

[font=Source Sans Pro]Does Arsenal spend money wisely?[/font][font=Source Sans Pro] MWM is the new dogecoin[/font]

[font=Source Sans Pro]William Saliba's contract[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: will probs be hurt most of the season, leaving us with no closure whatsoever [/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: dafuq is this now?[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: aggressively seek out and sack the next wave of malcontents who look at him funny[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Ben White's fee[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: biggest travesty of governance since the Birmingham 6[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Granit Xhaka[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: remon-tarda part 7[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: I expect to score alot of different goals this season[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]One player to sign, no context[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: Julius agahowa[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]"""Control""" ball[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: Is looking more vertical than ever before[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Tomiyasu: jock or crock?[/font][font=Source Sans Pro] cock of the wok[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Spurs are scary[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: we will exorcise the kane era this season[/font]
[font=Source Sans Pro]Our Values™ as a club[/font][font=Source Sans Pro]: CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964, Jeffrey... Jeffrey bezos[/font]

KurtEisner

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? Remains to be seen, I'm leaning towards no.
William Saliba's contract: Will sign a new, very lucrative contract if he adheres to the non-negotiables.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Burn KSE down.
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Qualifying for Champions League.
Ben White's fee: Excessive, but if he fulfills his potential no one will give a fuck in a few years.
Granit Xhaka: He's an idiot and it will cost the team before long.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +25 sounds good.
One player to sign, no context: Andrea Pirlo
"""Control""" ball: Has been boring as fuck most of the time.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Absolute jock, but unfortunately also a crock.
Spurs are scary: Lol
Our Values™ as a club: No such thing as values at this club anymore, but who cares, we got mad Walmart money!

jones

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? decently scouted players, focus on the wrong positions, outrageous fees
William Saliba's contract: can imagine yes, one thing the fraud in charge knows to do is sell people dreams
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: steaming load of PR horseshit
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: couldn't do enough to win me over, realistically any result above 8th would be sufficient
Ben White's fee: extremely excessive then now and in the future
Granit Xhaka: will be Xhaka, some good mixed in with some atrocious
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +16
One player to sign, no context: Essien, always hated that Chelsea got him from Lyon back then
"""Control""" ball: ridiculous term by a ridiculous poster
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? great player but will prove to be unreliable unfortunately (very controversial I know)
Spurs are scary: Spurs are dogshit
Our Values™ as a club: Our Values too

Qwiss

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? On players, obviously not.
William Saliba's contract: I hope he takes us the cleaners because otherwise he's outta here.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Lapped up by people who'll probably buy an NFT soon.
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: He'd probably have to set Josh's beard on fire to get the sack.
Ben White's fee: Should have been spent in midfield.
Granit Xhaka: Albatross around the teams proverbial neck.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +15
One player to sign, no context: Pogba
"""Control""" ball: Not a good description of how we play.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Gonna keep the faith, jock o'clock.
Spurs are scary: when you look at the faces in their crowds its truly terrifying.
Our Values™ as a club: are workshopped at consultancy firms.

Clrnc

Qwiss! wrote:
Does Arsenal spend money wisely? On players, obviously not.
William Saliba's contract: I hope he takes us the cleaners because otherwise he's outta here.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Lapped up by people who'll probably buy an NFT soon.
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: He'd probably have to set Josh's beard on fire to get the sack.
Ben White's fee: Should have been spent in midfield.
Granit Xhaka: Albatross around the teams proverbial neck.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +15
One player to sign, no context: Pogba
"""Control""" ball: Not a good description of how we play.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Gonna keep the faith, jock o'clock.
Spurs are scary: when you look at the faces in their crowds its truly terrifying.
Our Values™ as a club: are workshopped at consultancy firms.

Haha this is good. Agree with all other than Pogba.

I will go for Furuhashi

goon

Nice idea.

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? I cannot think of a better use of resources than paying Mustafi to leave the club.
William Saliba's contract: With everything that's happened I reckon he'd like to see how his role pans out first, but he will sign eventually.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Like it or not, it's working.
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Better football, more goals, more points.
Ben White's fee: Too high but we'll at least get 50k back when he wins Love Island.
Granit Xhaka: He's a molehill, not a mountain.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +35
One player to sign, no context: Kaka
"""Control""" ball: Perfectly summaries the style of play that will win us the PL/CL.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Love him too much to slander him, Jock for now.
Spurs are scary: If you're afraid of your own shadow maybe.
Our Values™ as a club: I'd say it's about £3bn.

goon

goon wrote:
Spurs are scary: If you're afraid of your own shadow maybe.

This is an insane answer btw, the levels to it.

Doc

Deep 😆

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? Absolutely. Majority of purchases since Arteta joined have been value for money.
William Saliba's contract: None issue. will sign at some point in the season after one of the most successful loan stints in Arsenal history. Micky Teta - he's done it again.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Wut
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Quadruple
Ben White's fee: 50m
Granit Xhaka: too underly over rated
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: 3rd. Need one/two more quality signings to seal it.
One player to sign, no context: Ronaldinho
"""Control""" ball: We have moved on from it as the system is second nature now. But Exciting AF in 2023
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Crock unfortunatly
Spurs are scary: Not there not
Our Values™ as a club: values are dead in football. Deal with it.

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AAStyle

goon wrote:
goon wrote:
Spurs are scary: If you're afraid of your own shadow maybe.

This is an insane answer btw, the levels to it.

Are u praising your own comment? But yeah it's a really ingenious answer

lorddulaarsenal

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? Mad Walmart Wonga isn’t spent, it’s gifted.
William Saliba's contract: meant the Marseille manager left with the hump
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: keeps Pat Rice’s IBS under control
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season:to keep on Artetaring
Ben White's fee: shocked not only me but thee
Granit Xhaka: got the keys to the house before his 21st birthday
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23:all the Roman numerals
One player to sign, no context😮nana - QS knows
"""Control""" ball: quenches that control ball appetite
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? making White’s fee more palatable
Spurs are scary: pfff bro Daniel Levy!
Our Values™ as a club:keep us interested in its affairs

invisibleman18

Does Arsenal spend money wisely? We've made some good value looking signings but may have also over spent on others, though not sure how much is our spending versus debt owed to Walmart.
William Saliba's contract: With a season as first choice he'll probably sign.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: PR Corporation bullshit
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Europa qualification
Ben White's fee: I remain unconvinced by him as CB at that price but he may justify it as a RB this season
Granit Xhaka: Realistically we won't make CL whilst he remains our starting CM
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: +20
One player to sign, no context: Thierry Henry. Not sure how there's any other answer here.
"""Control""" ball: Not how we play currently IMO.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Crock so far, did we run a medical?
Spurs are scary: Not scary, but their manager and strikers make it unlikely to overtake them currently
Our Values™ as a club: $$$$$$$$$$

goon

AAStyle- wrote:
goon wrote:
This is an insane answer btw, the levels to it.

Are u praising your own comment? But yeah it's a really ingenious answer

Thanks mate. Going to have to start listening to your Arteta slander because you clearly know talent when you see it.

Shady

Going to stick to regular predictions:

League position: 5th
League points: 67
Player of the season: Jesus
Young player of the season (under 23 when season starts) : Saka
Most disappointing player: Ramsdale
FA Cup: QF

QuincyAbeyie

You broke several rules!

deardevil

[size=medium]Does Arsenal spend money wisely? Who gives a shit, it's not my money.
William Saliba's contract: He's gonna do us like Lass Diarra.
The KSE "unity" project complete with bigger-than-life-sized cardboard cutouts of Wenger: Er what?
Minimum achievement for Arteta not to be sacked by end of season: Fourth
Ben White's fee: 50 million
Granit Xhaka: Glad he told the fans to fuck off.
Expected goal difference in Premier League 22–23: 15+
One player to sign, no context: Pele
"""Control""" ball: Boring.
Tomiyasu: jock or crock? Crock
Spurs are scary: Their time is coming to an end.
Our Values™ as a club: We're dirty like every other club.[/size]

Shady

My big wish for this season is fewer red cards and penalties conceded (improvement should follow naturally). If we can't get that under control then serious questions need to be asked. I look forward to revisiting this in May.

Qwiss

Shady wrote:
My big wish for this season is fewer red cards and penalties conceded (improvement should follow naturally). If we can't get that under control then serious questions need to be asked. I look forward to revisiting this in May.

I also wish to get a midfielder in ahead of Xhaka.