1. Get a zany football shirt. Not a St Pauli one as they’ve become too mainstream. This year the shirt to have is Real Oviedo’s (preferably Abel Xavier era one). It will show you’re in the know and care about the little guy and that you follow Sid Lowe. Do not under any circumstances miss the Guardian’s Football Weekly with James Richardson. From now on, you worship James Richardson. If anyone asks why, get misty eyed, stare into the distance and recall him “years back” on Channel Four holding up La Gazzetta dello Sport. Say it’s one of the enduring images of your childhood. Tell people you were into the Zonal Marking back when it was Mantoman.com. Buy Inverting The Pyramid. Read it cover to cover. Take shorthand notes to remember important terms like catenaccio, regista, triquartista and manager. Inform everyone around you that Spain are playing with a false nine and yet, in your opinion, also a true ten. Allow yourself a smirk. Set up a twitter account with a clever obscure football handle. For example: @JavierClementefirstsaidtikitaka Consistently pour scorn on the Premier League. Say it’s the Hawaii Five-O to the Bundisliga’s The Wire. Say it has utterly lost the art of defending and that the perfect game ends 0-0. Your favourite Barcelona player is no longer Messi. It’s Busquets. Claim Michael Carrick is Manchester United’s most important player and that Andrea Pirlo should have won the Ballon D’or. Hype up South American derbies like they are the biggest games in the world. Tell the world you cannot believe people are looking forward to Super Sunday on Sky when it’s only six hours until River and Boca play. Despise all football pundits except for Gary Neville and Pat Nevin. Say Revista de La Liga has lost something since they sacked Mark Bolton. Actively root for AVB and always, always refer to him as AVB. At all times defend Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This is only tricky when talking about his time at Barcelona as he comes into direct conflict with fellow hipster God Pep Guardiola. In this instance, defend Zlatan’s record, cite his scoring and assist record but also cite that perhaps he was too much of an individual in the ultimate collective and that Pep needed to free Messi. Adore everything about Borussia Dortmund. Visit the Westfalenstadion. Rename you cat Klopp. Set up a blog. Write 4000 word pieces on how Falcao scores and stuff. Tweet every football journalist on twitter and ask for a RT. Engage in a twitter argument with Ken Early over the six-second rule. Live tweet The Sunday Supplement pointing out why it’s silly with every sentence. Assert that this Barcelona team is decent but nowhere near as good as Sacchi’s Milan. Only discuss Newcastle United en francais. Play FIFA 13 using the Brendan Rodgers possession game. 21 Pay a fortune for a Norwegian satellite feed to follow the progress of Molde. Set up an African Cup of Nations twitter list for the duration of the tournament. Wake up every morning and remember the great Yugoslav team that never was. Only ever pronounce team names in the language of the country they’re from so it’s Reeeber y Boca in the Bombanerrrrrrro, Pareee-san-jyrmah and Ireland’s Euro 88 game was in Ghel-sin-kirssshhhhhhh-en. State with confidence that Off The Balls’s football show was better with ‘Parker & Lovejoyyyyyyyy” on Friday nights.
1. Get a zany football shirt. Not a St Pauli one as they’ve become too mainstream. This year the shirt to have is Real Oviedo’s (preferably Abel Xavier era one). It will show you’re in the know and care about the little guy and that you follow Sid Lowe.
Do not under any circumstances miss the Guardian’s Football Weekly with James Richardson. From now on, you worship James Richardson. If anyone asks why, get misty eyed, stare into the distance and recall him “years back” on Channel Four holding up La Gazzetta dello Sport. Say it’s one of the enduring images of your childhood.
Tell people you were into the Zonal Marking back when it was Mantoman.com.
Buy Inverting The Pyramid. Read it cover to cover. Take shorthand notes to remember important terms like catenaccio, regista, triquartista and manager.
Inform everyone around you that Spain are playing with a false nine and yet, in your opinion, also a true ten. Allow yourself a smirk.
Set up a twitter account with a clever obscure football handle. For example: @JavierClementefirstsaidtikitaka
Consistently pour scorn on the Premier League. Say it’s the Hawaii Five-O to the Bundisliga’s The Wire. Say it has utterly lost the art of defending and that the perfect game ends 0-0.
Your favourite Barcelona player is no longer Messi. It’s Busquets. Claim Michael Carrick is Manchester United’s most important player and that Andrea Pirlo should have won the Ballon D’or.
Hype up South American derbies like they are the biggest games in the world. Tell the world you cannot believe people are looking forward to Super Sunday on Sky when it’s only six hours until River and Boca play.
Despise all football pundits except for Gary Neville and Pat Nevin.
Say Revista de La Liga has lost something since they sacked Mark Bolton.
Actively root for AVB and always, always refer to him as AVB.
At all times defend Zlatan Ibrahimovic. This is only tricky when talking about his time at Barcelona as he comes into direct conflict with fellow hipster God Pep Guardiola. In this instance, defend Zlatan’s record, cite his scoring and assist record but also cite that perhaps he was too much of an individual in the ultimate collective and that Pep needed to free Messi.
Adore everything about Borussia Dortmund. Visit the Westfalenstadion. Rename you cat Klopp.
Set up a blog. Write 4000 word pieces on how Falcao scores and stuff. Tweet every football journalist on twitter and ask for a RT.
Engage in a twitter argument with Ken Early over the six-second rule.
Live tweet The Sunday Supplement pointing out why it’s silly with every sentence.
Assert that this Barcelona team is decent but nowhere near as good as Sacchi’s Milan.
Only discuss Newcastle United en francais.
Play FIFA 13 using the Brendan Rodgers possession game.
21 Pay a fortune for a Norwegian satellite feed to follow the progress of Molde.
Set up an African Cup of Nations twitter list for the duration of the tournament.
Wake up every morning and remember the great Yugoslav team that never was.
Only ever pronounce team names in the language of the country they’re from so it’s Reeeber y Boca in the Bombanerrrrrrro, Pareee-san-jyrmah and Ireland’s Euro 88 game was in Ghel-sin-kirssshhhhhhh-en.
State with confidence that Off The Balls’s football show was better with ‘Parker & Lovejoyyyyyyyy” on Friday nights.
Seen a number of people on the internet and known a couple, personally, who have tread many of the steps to football hipsterhood.
How hipster are you guys?
Not very.
i highly recommend 14, it's awesome. i don't have a cat though.
and how else would you do 24? do people actually say par-iss saynt jer-mayne??
By my reckoning 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, 23, 24 or variations that are close enough have all been seen in the wild either here or on A-M.
I'm about a 4/25 I'd say, so not hipster I guess.
😆
I'm not hipster clean meself, but the biggest hipsters I've come across are dagunners, klaus and capi
I wouldn't have Capi down as a hipster. Klaus can be, with his love of Serie A and obscure players.
I'm an Arsenal fan myself.
Klaus is for definite a hipster.
Timothy wrote: I wouldn't have Capi down as a hipster. Klaus can be, with his love of Serie A and obscure players.
Capi is very knowleadgeable, just not in the way that list projects.
Outlaw Member was hipster.
y va marquer wrote: Klaus is for definite a hipster.
What?! 😆
I tick two of these boxes at a stretch.
Klaus wrote: y va marquer wrote: Klaus is for definite a hipster. What?! 😆 I tick two of these boxes at a stretch.
😆 These two then
20. Play FIFA 13 using the Brendan Rodgers possession game. 21 Pay a fortune for a Norwegian satellite feed to follow the progress of Molde.
Classic hipster denial
😆 I think I do get the Norwegian league on my satellite feed, come think of it. I haven't even looked.
I must be a geriatricster. I scored zero.
Iloveyouarsenewenger wrote: Your favourite Barcelona player is no longer Messi. It’s Busquets. Claim Michael Carrick is Manchester United’s most important player and that Andrea Pirlo should have won the Ballon D’or. Actively root for AVB and always, always refer to him as AVB. Adore everything about Borussia Dortmund. Visit the Westfalenstadion. Rename you cat Klopp.
I definitely cover 5 or 6 of those. In my defence i mostly bought that Steau Bucharest shirt because it looked nice and also possession football in fifa is inevitable when you're the superior player.
Great list that hits the nail on the head. Agree with Tony that Outlaw from AM is a hipster. Knowledgeable but ticks most of these.
😆 At first I though "Molde" was a young star in Norway and started researching the name.
Sacchi's Milan really were something special
Funny thing btw that following Serie A has become a sort of hipster phenomenon.
