Nicked this off some other site but thought it apt, as it covers all this summer's rumoured transfer targets' pros & cons.
Will start by acknowledging the writer, SteveRodgers86.
To buy or NOT to buy.
Wayne Clive Rooney
Pros:
Great finisher with bags of experience.
World class quality.
Able to play up top or just behind the striker.
English.
Two children.
Cons:
Fancies old women.
Shags older women.
Unpredictable hairline.
Smokes and drinks.
Can't spell.
Mental weekly wage.
Cesc Fabregas
Pros:
Gifted midfielder with the keys to unlock a defence.
Pass Master.
Ex captain.
Played for the club before.
Claims to love us.
Possible cheap-ish buy back
Cons:
Went on strike.
Forced a move away.
Has worse hair than Arteta.
Once had a ponytail.
Clement Grenier
Pros:
Reminds Arsene Wenger of Nasri.
Cons:
Reminds Arsene Wenger of Nasri.
Victor Wanyama
Pros:
Strength.
Height.
A proper defensive midfield.
Well endowed (probably).
Cons:
Only really tested in Scotland.
Questionable Passing.
Rumoured to like haggis.
Christian Benteke
Pros:
Striker, made big impact in his first BPL season.(19 PL goals, 23 overall)
Only 22.
Bags of potential.
Would be a cheap as balls purchase.
Says he likes Arsenal,wants to play for us
Cons:
Unproven at a top club.
Thought Aston Villa was in London
Apparent loyalty issues
Stevan Jovetić
Pros:
Can play as striker or CF.
Knows where the Goal is.
Has sexy good technical feet.
Nickname is Jo-Jo.
Cons:
Would rather play for Juventus.
Surname hard to pronounce.
Can't spell Steven properly.
Rumoured €30m price tag.
Gonzalo Higuaín
Pros:
Excellent strike rate.
Impressive goals to game ratio.
Goal machine.
Claims arsenal will suit him.
Better than Giroud (calm down).
Nickname El Pipita.
Can head the ball, messi can't.
Cons:
Fourth best Argentinian striker in the world.
Born in France but cannot speak French. Sacre bleu!
Can be a stroppy little bitch.
Michu
Pros:
Very impressive first season in the BPL. ( 35apps 18 goals)
Can play CAM,CF or even ST.
Wouldn't cost the world.
Unlikely to cause many international call up problems
Cons:
Doesn't have a first name.
Hair wildly out of control.
Very unorthodox style of play.
Wears Alice band.
Julio Cesar
Pros:
Experienced international goalkeeper.
The only Brazilian goalkeeper left in existence.
Has won countless trophies. Including Serie A 5 times.
Already based in England.
Massive hands.
Excellent shot stopper.
Married a model
Cons:
33 years old.
Rumoured high wages.
Was in the same team as Remy the rapist.
Not neymar.
David Timothy Villa
Pros:
Poacher of goals.
Averages almost a goal every two games.
World Cup winner.
Scored goals when Spain were shit.
Nickname El Guaje, means the kid or the gherkin. My Spanish isn't great.
Cons:
31 years of age.
Diaby prone, sorry I mean injury prone.
Possible gypsy.
Dad's called josè
Étienne Capoue
Pro:
Defensive midfielder (about time).
Strength and passing are spot on.
French.
May only command a small fee and reasonable wages.
One of the few DM's available.
Cons:
Linked with us before.
Loves playing in France
Extremely unproven at top standard
Hates frogs legs but loves prawn baguettes.
Doesn't set many goals up
Yann M'Vila
Pros:
None
Cons:
please insert joke about persistent medicals for arsenal
Pepe Reina
Pros:
Amazing goalkeeper on his day.
Already plays in the BPL.
World Cup winner?? Sort of
Cons:
Bald since the age of 5.
Prone to the odd mistake.
Has funny Spanish/scouse accent.
30 years of age.
Arsenal don't want him.
Easily confused by balloons.
Never scored a goal in his life.
Forced Cesc to wear Barca shirt
Edinson Roberto Cavani Gómez
Pros:
Top notch and much coveted all action striker.
Scored more goals than you've had hot meals.
World class talent
Has the stamina and work rate of a rhino
Cons:
Big transfer fee.
Big wage demands.
Names to bloody long, just like this forum post.
Every man and his dog wants him so sadly that means AFC have very little hope.
Marouane Fellaini
Pros:
Big,strong and commanding presence.
Can play DM,CM or CAM
Has the best hair in the BPL.
25 years old, approaching "prime"
Wants CL football.
My personal favourite.
Would cost 22m, absolute bargain.
Cons:
Has the same first name as Chamakh.
Could side with old manager and join that lot.
May headbutt friends or enemies.
Club shop may start selling arsenal branded Afro combs.
Would cost £22m, way to much money. ; )
Loïc Rémy
Pros:
Lightening quick.
Scores goals, some spectacular.
Laughed at arry's twitch.
Would be a cheap purchase
Cons:
Has the nickname "remy the rapist"
Once had cornrows.
Played for QPR.
Doesn't have a very good public image.
Could disrupt the current squad.
Not the world class striker we crave.
Lars bender
Pro:
Massive stamina and work rate.
Versatile midfielder.
Would fit in well with our German internationals.
Con:
People unlikely to get his name on the back of their shirt.
Never won a major honour.
Has an evil twin (Sven).
Hatem Ben arfa
Pros:
Ultra direct.
Can play both flanks.
Very skilful.
Has the ability to glide past players.
It will piss Alan "the cunt" Pardew off
Cons:
In his youth days he lost a fight to diaby and cried.
Eats snail.
Injury prone like you wouldn't believe.
No need for a player in his position.
Adel Taarabt
Pros:
Loads of skill.
Exciting flair player.
Clever feet.
Also laughed at arry's twitch.
Cons:
Played for spurs.
Has a Balotelli attitude.
Is known to hog the ball.
Thinks he's a superstar.
Martin Škrtel
Pros:
Strong CB.
Won't cost the earth.
Been in the BPL since you were shitting yellow.
Cons:
Looks like robocop.
Piss him off and there's a good chance he'll kill you.
Ashley Errol Williams
Pros:
Excellent in the air.
Almost killed the Dutchman with a well placed clearance to the head.
Cup winner.
Cheap fee.
Cons:
He's the most English/Welsh person you could meet.
Been at Swansea since 2008 maybe be hard to tempt him away.
Never be tested at a big team, he's a gamble.
